Father Goat Tonsils

By Joe

In San Francisco, people have to take plastic bags with them when they walk their dogs. They turn the bags inside out and pick up the shit with their hand touching the outside of the bag. Then they turn the bag back to what it was originally, and the shit is inside the bag. This works, but I think an even better idea would be to have a shit sleigh that is a miniature version of a woodchopper. The dog would be attached to a small wheeled wagon behind it, and the shit would go into the chopper area and get blown out into small bits. An even better idea would be if the shit was deconstructed into the basic elements of hydrogen, carbon and oxygen. Maybe the shit could be made into water, which believe it or not, the dogwalker could drink. Or, if the shit was only chopped up, the exhaust part of the shit-chopper could be attached directly to a small plant. Voila! You keep the streets clean and fertilize your plant in one fell swoop.